Work people will eat anything.

That, dear readers, is a fact of life I have seen borne out time and again. Indian takeout that spent a tepid evening being warmed over Sterno? Sad-assed fruit salad left to disintegrate in its own juices? Birthday cake the texture of Styrofoam, the frosting falling off like chunks of drywall? I’ve seen the stampede occasioned by the office-wide email heralding free food. You have too.

Yet, despite the fact that my job is not the paradise I was promised all those years ago when I was struggling with long division, I do like my colleagues. And so when the sign-up sheet to bring snacks to our weekly Friday meeting came around, I picked a date and started planning. The fact that I can only rarely eat what they bring (thank you for the bunch of grapes, lady from two weeks ago!) doesn’t mean I shouldn’t knock their socks off when it’s my turn.

And so I planned. Oh, how I planned. Red can tell you how I nagged him about which recipes to pick. “Well, scones would be good, but I’ve never made scones before, and what if they don’t come out? Do I need those paper things for the muffins? If I do the blueberry coffee cake, can I have fruit in something else, or is that too much fruit? Should I make something with chocolate? What if I don’t make enough for everyone? What if they hate it?”

“They won’t hate it,” he assured me.

As you’ve probably guessed by now, they did not hate it. Angels sang, rainbows sprouted over the conference room door, and everyone got a happy sugar high first thing in the morning. Here’s how I did it:




That is Veganomicon’s Coconut-Lemon Bundt Cake. This is probably the easiest cake you will ever make, and it is certainly one of the tastiest. Slicing it was a bit of a pain, but Red saved the day with his skillful deployment of our bread knife. It’s very moist and a bit crumbly, but that’s part of the fun. I ran out of unsweetened coconut and had to make up the difference with sweetened, but we all know that feeding skeptical omnis requires extra fat and sugar. The full-fat coconut milk surely did the trick, as well. I am not ashamed to tell you that I tried to lick the inside of the empty can.



Here we have Blueberry Coffee Cake from Almost Vegan. I’ve been making this for years, and it’s always fantastic. I’ve actually begun halving the recipe, because it really does make a lot, but I put extra blueberries in. So, half the cake, all the berries! Win-win. The streusel-y topping is perfectly sweet and crunchy.


Finally, I made the Cranberry Orange Nut Muffins from Vegan Brunch. I was very nervous, because I can’t remember the last time I baked muffins and I was afraid they’d explode in the oven or something. I did have a brief “oh shit” moment when I realized that I’d used dried cranberries instead of fresh and worried that I’d ruined the muffins completely, but they were more resilient than my reading-comprehension fail. They were fabulous, and while I wish I’d gotten to nibble more than one, I’m sure I’ll make them again soon. I learned two things from baking these: 1) the batter smells exactly like amaretto and orange juice, which is one of my favorite drinks, and 2) your muffins get fluffier the longer you let the batter sit. It’s because the gluten relaxes, yo. Next time I’ll take a 15-minute break between mixing and baking, but for my first vegan muffins, I was impressed with myself.

After all that work and a few other close calls (emergency baking-powder run, scraping the bottom of the sugar jar), I was more than gratified by how much my coworkers enjoyed everything. I didn’t explicitly mention the vegan part, but the few who already knew were excited and curious, and the ones who didn’t seemed happy to be eating something other than, you know, doughnuts again. Even the guy who cracks on me about my “bird food” copped to being pleasantly surprised. Oh yes, he took seconds back to his office.

As of today, three coworkers have asked for the recipes. Vegan domination continues!

Everybody needs to eat lunch.

This is a story about the time my coworkers ate a vegan lunch. I busted my ass making it for them, so you better enjoy this.

At my last job, my team members frequently went out for lunch. I didn’t, because I’m cheap and my lunch options were basically limited to the Whole Foods across the street. The Whole Foods tempted me, though. Anyway, one day they came up with the bright idea to make lunch for each other. Each person would bring lunch for everyone else, one day a week. It sounded just as expensive to me; besides, why would you let someone else decide what you’re going to eat for lunch? I played along, because even though I knew I wouldn’t be getting much out of the deal, I wanted to surprise them all with a vegan feast.

They were more accommodating than I had expected, actually. I had a lovely Greek salad one day (the girl’s boyfriend worked at his family’s diner). Another day, I think I got some green beans to supplement whatever I had brought. The green bean dude was kind enough to ask in advance if they would still be vegan if cooked with the pot roast and then removed before serving. When I told him no, he was skeptical about the potential of green beans to taste good plain, but he gave it a shot anyway.

In the days leading up to my turn, everyone wanted to weigh in on the mysterious vegan lunch. Despite the fact that they regularly exclaimed over how good my food smelled, they were cautious. No tofu. No nuts (squeamishness, not risk of anaphylactic shock). I tried to nip it in the bud, but my goddess, they were picky. I refused to tell them what I was bringing. I was dead-set against bringing a lame pot of spaghetti or massive salad, but agonized over what I could possibly make that they would eat.

The night before, I cooked like a madwoman. It was going be delicious, and they were going to like it. I vowed that my presentation would be as good as it could be when cubicles and plastic containers were involved. Damn if they weren’t going to eagerly await lunchtime. Their first vegan meal was going to rock their faces off.

I was usually the first person in the office, so I took advantage of the extra time to create a menu. When they arrived and checked their email, this greeted them:

Subject: Vegan Gourmet

Good morning, dearly beloveds!

Submitted for your gustatory approval today:

Chickpeas Romesco: chickpeas (garbanzo beans) simmered with fire-roasted tomatoes and red and green peppers
Saffron-Garlic Quinoa: like rice, only better!
Almond-Anise Biscotti: delicious with everything from cappuccino to herbal tea

Enjoy! All recipes are from the Veganomicon by Isa Chandra Moskowitz and Terry Hope Romero.

Yours in animal-friendly deliciousness,
v.b. :)

I may have even made little labels for each dish; I can’t remember. My boss, a staunch tofu opponent who delighted in good-naturedly ribbing me, admitted that I’d outdone myself. I went with quinoa instead of rice in order to expand their horizons a little, and also to dispel the protein myth. I did include nuts, because 1) there were only a few of them and 2) if I make you food, you don’t get to dictate every detail. It was also one of my first attempts at biscotti, and I was stoked at how fabulously easy and biscotti-esque they were. Goodbye, $4 café ripoff! Hello, awesome homemade biscotti!

My coworkers were floored. Chickpeas? Quinoa? Whaaaaa? But they gamely tried everything, and even the two who ended up getting salads from Whole Foods said they were glad they’d finally experienced vegan food. The next day, another exclaimed loudly over the, ah, miracle the chickpeas had worked on her GI tract. It was a strange, yet tender moment.

The moral of the story? I don’t know—I’m a badass cook? Veganomicon has the power to convert the infidel? They were all appreciative, didn’t leave work hungry, and learned a little about my choice to be vegan. As Vegan MoFo swirls around us in a haze of intoxicating photos and recipes, let us remember that pulling out all the stops for a hardcore omni audience (one girl ate pigs’ feet, for Christ’s sake) and feeding them silly may eventually result in a first step towards a kinder life.

That, and pass the biscotti.