Faux-tropical paradise, with ducks.

Hi, my little sugarplums! I wish I could say I was writing to you from balmy Florida, but I barely looked at the computer while we were down there, so I’m writing it from where I usually write these things: the bathroom. (Kidding.) Anyway, Red had to go to Orlando for a conference and I wanted to escape a week’s worth of forecasted rain, so we jetted south last week. We were very lucky to stay on the Loews Royal Pacific Resort. It is basically a luxurious Fake South Pacific, but they had lots of sushi and vegan-friendly food (as opposed to Loews Portofino Bay, aka Fake Italy, where all the pasta at this one restaurant was made with eggs, but they did have Vespas). They also had a pool and sunshine and lots of ducks wandering around quacking for snacks. And dogs! They are a dog-friendly resort, and Red and I became BFFs with a hyper little corgi-Jack Russell sweetheart named Ike. It was a total win, is what I am saying. We did absolutely nothing photo-worthy, not even visit Hogwarts—and we sort of wanted to, but it is so expensive and we didn’t have a lot of time, so we bagged that—but I did take lots of pictures of our food for you.

But first, logistics. Just like I did before we went to Sanibel, I hit the Internet to gauge our options. Loews provided most of their menus online, so I was able to get an idea of what we could eat on the various resorts (Loews has three Orlando resorts linked by a shuttle system: Royal Pacific, Portofino Bay, and Hard Rock). It looked like we’d be good to go at Royal Pacific and okay at Portofino Bay, but we kicked Hard Rock to the curb for veg-unfriendliness. Red also found a Whole Foods nearby, for those urgent kombucha cravings. (I don’t know why I wrote that. I hate kombucha.) We were confident we wouldn’t starve, but we still packed granola bars.

The view from our room.

Our first order of business was dinner, because we were very hungry after we finally made it to the hotel and I get cranky if I miss meals. We wandered downstairs to the bar (‘scuse me, the Orchid Court Lounge) and begged some sushi and alcohol from Taren, my new favorite bartender. She is from Tasmania and gave us pieces of the pineapple she was slicing for garnishes after she saw me staring at it. Taren is the best.




We had a couple false starts at breakfast, because once we determined that they offered the particular variety of Kashi cereal with dried blueberries—the only vegan Kashi they had on hand—that’s what I kept trying to order. It’s called Blueberry Clusters or something. One morning I got the correct cereal with extra fresh berries (totally not a problem), the next I got the wrong cereal entirely and had to send it back, and on our final morning I gave up and had berries and potatoes. That was no hardship, believe me, but I had a hell of a time trying to explain that damn cereal. Red got off light, because he ordered Raisin Bran. Happily, only once was there confusion with the soy milk.

Behold, a breakfast montage:




Do you want to see ducks? Of course you do.

Not too sure what these are. Any ideas?

More french fries, please!

We were lucky to be able to have lunch together every day before Red had to go back to work. Mostly we ate at Emeril’s Tchoup Chop, which needs to up their sushi-rolling game because my poor chopstick skills do not make otherwise well-made sushi fall apart.





Our poolside lunch at the Bula Bar featured one of the tastiest salads I’ve ever had:



On my own, I usually read by the pool or the little canal thing they’ve got going on. Then I read some more. Sometimes I did a little yoga in our room, but mostly I wanted to be outside. This was the view from my lounge chair:






The day before we left, Red wore this shirt:


That afternoon, we were hailed by a fellow vegan! He was also in town for the conference and was peacefully eating his PBJ when he saw us. “Sometimes you’ve gotta pack your own,” I said. He agreed. Yay for finding our tribe, even in the unlikeliest places!

Twice we had pizza and hummus for dinner at Jake’s American Bar, which is what you’d get if you tried to do Rick’s Café Américain without the Nazis. Or Sam. (Also, holy shit, there really is a Rick’s in Casablanca now. I want to go to there!) The first time, I also had a veggie pita because we didn’t know how much hummus we’d be getting—so much, we took the rest back to our room. That restaurant was amazing: Upon hearing he had two hungry vegans, the chef came out and talked over our options with us, offering to make us something special. I don’t think I’ve ever chatted up a chef before. He rocked.




One night, we decided to dress up (for vacation, anyway) and check out Portofino Bay. We tried to go to Bice, their swanky restaurant, but that was the place with egg-tainted pasta, so we went to Trattoria del Porto, which was still very nice and not a bad Plan B at all. We both ended up with the same dish—whole-wheat penne with vegetables—but it was tasty and they had Italian beer, so we didn’t care.



A kind fellow tourist took a picture of us in which we both look decent (and, more importantly, I don’t look sunburned):

Portofino Bay: Come for the atmosphere, but the dining options need some work.

We had lunch outside right before we left for the airport, and this little fellow came to see us off:

Lizards are probably nothing special to Floridians, but I thought he was pretty cute.

Well, darlings, there you have our idyllic jaunt to sunny Orlando. I loved our time away, but I loved coming home and snuggling Lucy even more.

Finally home.

Grill, baby, grill.

Recently, Red and I got a new grill. This week, we fired it up for the first time! On the menu? Veggie kebabs, savory tofu, and coconut rice!

Here are all the kebabs lovingly lined up on the grill. Notice how thoughtfully Red made an all-onion kebab so I wouldn’t have to pick them out!


We’ve got green peppers, mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, and fresh pineapple. Red so bravely slew and skinned the pineapple, fearsome prickly thing that it was.


Instead of adding the tofu to the kebabs, I marinated it overnight in a teriyaki-ginger sauce (this one, if you care, and you should because it was yummy) and Red grilled it in slabs. Notice how he got the perfect grill marks!


Onion close-up for all of you who, ahem, like that sort of thing:


De-skewered and ready for nomming:


Here’s the rice. We used 30-Minute Vegan’s recipe, which is reliably easy and delicious. The black-eyed peas make it really satisfying all by itself, too.


Final product:


It was the perfect almost-summer dinner. We felt so completely suburban that we had to watch The Wire to recover.

In which I didn’t mean to let the muffins get moldy.

I don’t really like zucchini. I’ve tried, but it just doesn’t seem very cooperative. It turns mushy in stir-fries and gets squeaky when you bake it. It’s tasty if you shred it and make it into fritters and fry it, but that takes time and work and I quickly get sick of frying things in the summer heat (and since we’re talking about zucchini, it’s almost always in the summer). Zucchini bread is good, but trying to keep up with the never-ending stream of zucchini yields a shit-ton of bread and inevitably I run out of people to give it to.

I returned from my trip to Charlotte to find three zucchinis in the fridge. “Where did these come from?” I asked Red. Turns out, his parents had given them to us, which was very thoughtful but didn’t help me figure out what to do with them. I looked at them for a few days. They mocked me every time I opened the fridge. “Ha ha, now you have to eat us,” they sneered. Bastards.

Finally I cracked open Vegan Brunch and found a recipe for Zucchini Spelt Muffins. Well now, that sounded easy and wholesome, so I went for it. I cackled as I shoved my zucchinis into the food processor, jubilant that they hadn’t defeated me. To sweeten the deal, as I was preparing to pop the muffins into the oven, I received an invitation to a yoga class/vegan potluck at an acquaintance’s house! The timing couldn’t have been better. My muffins would be the perfect post-yoga snack.



They came out very well. They were a bit like a healthier zucchini bread—not as sweet, and I didn’t go as heavy on the spices as I normally would because I like to follow new recipes pretty closely the first time. My fellow potluckers agreed that they were a great counterpoint to our other snacks: super-sweet crumb cake (so good, I brought a piece home), baguette slices with a pesto-chickpea spread, and tofu scramble. I was happy. My muffins were a hit.

Since we still had plenty of muffins left over, I started taking them to work for a midmorning snack. Removed from their brunch companions, they were a bit blander than I had originally noticed, but I figured that if I toasted one and added a little Earth Balance, it would rock. Imagine my dismay when I went to do that, only to discover that my four remaining muffins were playing host to a very healthy colony of mold! What gives, zucchini muffins? You were a week old and I’d kept you in the nice cool refrigerator! How dare you repay me thus? Compost bin for you, ungrateful vegetable-based wretches.

I guess that explains why the muffins I’d eaten in the day or two before tasted a little weird. My immune system got a mini-workout there. For real, though, anyone know why my muffins went all moldy? I was pretty bummed about that.

Books, terrorists, and cupcakes.

Surely you guys are aware that Will Potter, of Green is the New Red fame, has recently published his first (excellent) book? And, duh, you’re going to go out and buy it and politely ask him to sign it when he comes to your town, right? You really should.

Last week, Red and I went to our friendly locally owned bookstore, Atomic, for the Baltimore launch of Green is the New Red and a discussion of that most lighthearted topic, the intimidation and prosecution of environmental and animal-rights activists as terrorists. A slavering threat to the American way of life, we are.* I had read most of the book while I was in Charlotte, so I felt a little like Hermione having done all her reading before even arriving at Hogwarts. Only not at all, because 1) I didn’t get to marry Ron Weasley** and 2) Will talked about plenty of things not in the book, and did it in a really engaging way, so I learned a lot. I am not even going to attempt to break down the Green Scare for you, because he does it so well in the book and over on his blog. It is terrifying to realize that nonviolent activists have been convicted of terrorism and secreted away in illegal prison units, while people who have actually committed murder are excused as “angry” or “misunderstood.” Go educate yourselves!

On hand to make sure that no one’s outrage went down without a spoonful of sugar was Tamara of Brunie’s Bakery, the genius whose desserts Red and I have enjoyed many times. Tamara seems to have made it her mission in life to never show up without baked goods. Therefore, I have decided to always bring Tupperware with me to any event where I think she might be, because she made (nay, forced!) us take extras home with us. I was out of my mind on a wicked sugar high by the time we left.

[Bad blogger note: I didn’t get any pics, but you can see some on Atomic’s photostream. In you’re ever in town, show them some love! John Waters does!]

Then Will signed my book and told me he liked my “What Kind of Asshole Eats a Lamb?” shirt. I always love hearing that, because I only have two AR shirts and that one’s my favorite. I hope he enjoyed his visit to Bmore, and I have no doubt that much radical consciousness was raised during his evening here.


*Actually, yeah, kind of. And that’s a good thing, as Martha might say.
**I’m sorry if that’s a spoiler for anyone, but the book’s been out for nearly four years. Do I need to tell you what happens in The Crying Game, too?

In the city of sisterly love….

Like I told you (you didn’t forget, did you?!), I spent a few days chilling with my sis in her new hometown of Charlotte, North Carolina. My mom came with, so we had a full-on female bonding fest. Of course, food played a major role, and I made sure to document everything. We ate so well, I barely needed the breakfast bars and other snacks I’d packed.

Our first day, we stopped for lunch at Zada Jane’s, aka the cutest place I’ve ever eaten. (That website is happening, I tell you!) It’s not all vegan, but I had an excellent hummus wrap and roasted potatoes.



I took the second half home and ate it for dinner. For dessert, we made espresso shortbread with an Irish whiskey glaze:

My sister ran me to the Harris Teeter so I could grab some Earth Balance and veganize my shortbread. It was epically delicious.

The next day, after a bit of museum-hopping, my mom and sis were hell-bent on stopping at this one place for a snack that I thought was kind of gross, so I won’t tell you about it. The joint was not particularly vegan-friendly, but the fries were yummy. Why am I telling you this? You know how good French fries are. You’re probably eating some right now. If so, I wish I were you.

As we left the restaurant, we saw this sweet pup lounging just inside the doorway of his person’s store, greeting prospective shoppers:



Then, it was on to the #2 reason for my visit (#1 being the family quality time, of course): Lebowski’s! I tell you, I have never been so psyched to visit a bar in my life, not even in college when this one place would let us in without ID (their incredible house beers were two for $3—it was sweet, I tell you). Anyway, Red and I are proud Achievers, so the opportunity to geek out over The Big Lebowski in a bar devoted to all things Dude was unmissable. I even painted my toenails green in homage to the one movie that Tara Reid can be proud of appearing in.


Of course, any Lebowski bar is going to specialize in White Russians, and this bar offers them with soy milk! But I ran into a problem: five different varieties of White Russians, only one Burnout. The horror! Luckily, my mom and sister ordered theirs with soy as well, so I could taste them. They were all delicious.



Oh, the food, you say? Well, it was a bar, so it’s not like I was expecting vegan paradise. Still, I got my snack itch scratched with no problem:

Southern-fried vegan noms! Fried pickles are kind of a food group down there.

Yeah, I ate a lot of hummus that week.

There was plenty more paraphernalia scattered around the bar—I put all the pics here so as not to turn this post into a Lebowski Fest (which would be okay with me, actually).

Our schedule was a little tight, and we had just gotten our happy hour on at Lebowski’s, but I couldn’t bear to miss out on Zizi’s, Charlotte’s only 100% vegan restaurant. We scurried back uptown and grabbed dinner, even though we weren’t the least bit hungry. This is where takeout is super-useful!

After a soak in the hot tub and few cocktails on the living room floor, we were ready for a late dinner:

Mac-n-cheese, wings, and collard greens

BBQ tofu

Veggie stir-fry

Can I just say, SO GOOD! Zizi’s is a tiny little treasure tucked into a strip mall, and I think that when a town has only one vegan restaurant, it’s inevitably some variation on the earthy-crunchy, Rasta/soul food theme. I love that, because it makes me feel like I’m at home, and Zizi’s more than delivered. My sister’s boyfriend declared my tofu better, but I didn’t notice him turning his nose up at that BBQ deliciousness in front of him, either.

There is a full-length version of this photo, but I’m far too shy to post it.

The next day, we tripped over to Asheville to tour the Biltmore, America’s largest home®. I am not even being sarcastic; they totally trademarked that shit. Anyway. On the rather long drive through the woods to the parking lot, we saw a few wild turkeys:



It amazes me how different they look from their domesticated, genetically engineered cousins. They can walk and peck with ease, not falling over from mutilated toes or too-heavy breasts. It was wonderful to see them.

We couldn’t take pictures inside the house, but you know. You can Google it.

All the look-don’t-touch action took it out of me, so I was ready for lunch. Plus, we were planning on a wine tasting, and it’s a bad idea for me to do those on an empty stomach. At Cedric’s, a little pub on the estate, our waiter paled when I told him I was vegan. I was momentarily put out, because I had asked about the hummus platter (there is always a hummus platter), and how can you fuck up hummus? Anyway, it was vegan, and so was the gazpacho that came with it. Really salty and good.


After lunch, we did indeed get to our wine tasting:

My mom is so cool.

The Biltmore wines were good, not great. Nothing I couldn’t live without, but things really got going on our way out of Asheville, when we stopped at the French Broad Chocolate Lounge.

Yes. You heard me. CHOCOLATE. LOUNGE. If you are a chocolate-loving vegan, I have found your heaven. They call themselves “a sacred space for chocophiles,” and they do not exaggerate. I wanted to die of a chocolate overdose and stay there forever, but I came back to tell you all about it. See how selfless I am? We shared a glass of cold drinking chocolate, which was made with coconut milk and was decadently rich. We also dug into their Theros Olive Oil Chocolate Cake, which has convinced me to consider olive oil a baking ingredient. I can’t believe I didn’t snarf it all myself, but my mom and sister will attest to my restraint. Anyone who whines about vegan baked goods being gross needs to be force-fed a piece of that cake. I will do the honors.




I couldn’t leave without souvenirs, so I bought an expensive chocolate bar and a box of their vegan truffles. It’s called the Buddha Collection. Isn’t that cute? Ahimsa, and whatnot. Okay, only the Buddhists got that one. The yogis, too. What up, my tribe!


The French Broad is also very eco-conscious, as I found this in the bathroom:


Oh my Goddess, what did we do then? Drove the two hours back to Charlotte, sank into the hot tub again, and passed out.

The next day, we kept it simple because I had to fly home that night. My sister had a surprise houseguest in the form of Rein, a friend’s adorable pup. So, we spoiled her with snuggles and took her to a mega-dog park that is basically a fenced-in dog trail in the woods. She loved it, and I loved meeting all the other dogs who happily bounced around.

Strange pup likes to sit on the floor.

We had one final stop on our way to the airport: the Diamond. My friend Kate, a Charlotte native, told me I had to eat there during my stay, so we added it to the agenda. It’s recently reopened and I don’t know all the drama behind its previous incarnations, but allow me to say that the Diamond made me one of the tastiest Greek salads I’ve ever had. The menu is definitely not tops on anyone’s vegan-friendly list, but our waiter hooked me up. Oh yeah, we ate more fried pickles, too. They are yummy. Then I got hemmed up by TSA for forgetting to empty my water bottle, but what’s air travel without a little bit of bureaucratic bullshit anymore?




Well, there you have it. My time in Charlotte, as told through food. I had a blast and enjoyed some much-needed sister time, but I was equally glad to come home to Red and Lucy. I wish you all many delicious vacations, wherever you go!