Finally, brownies.

Remember when I told you how I got drunk and tried to bake brownies, only I didn’t have any of the ingredients, so I made those shitty peanut butter cookies instead? Yeah? Well, I finally got my chocolate-craving ass to the store for brownie fixings. Let me tell you, it was worth the wait.

Eat me!

The recipe makes 12 brownies; I took this after giving four to Red’s folks.

These are Chocolate Chip Deluxe Brownies from Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar. The photos may not look like much, but that’s because their sheer mega-awesomeness defies any feeble attempt to capture it for posterity. Indeed, I soon regretted giving any to my in-laws and began scheming for ways to steal them back.

Darlings, I have not baked brownies for years, and even then, they were the boxed kind. These brownies are…I don’t have the word. Delicious? Amazing? Orgasmic? Yes, yes, and yes, but I’ve applied all those to foods before. These are something else. They are scrumtrulescent. (My heart breaks that I can’t embed that, but I beg of you, click through. A baby panda will cry if you don’t.)

Even my husband, who likes chocolate but does not share my slavish devotion to gooey, rich, dark confections, adored these. My chocoholic dad-in-law raved about them. Here’s one à la mode with Soy Delicious Dulce de Leche ice cream:

Melty.

These brownies are so easy to whip up that it’s only by dint of sheer willpower that I haven’t made them every weekend since. Though they are small, resist the temptation to eat more than one at a sitting. These are meant to be savored, one soft and warm bite at a time, and melted chocolate licked off fingertips (by whoever you choose, as long as it’s not your dog. Chocolate’s bad for them, you know).

Okay, that took a turn for the smutty, didn’t it? Whatever, chocolate does that to me. There, my secret shame is revealed. Brownie porn for everyone!